Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
