please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
