It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
