Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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