Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
