I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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