Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
