I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
