dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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