if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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