why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
