i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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