So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Congratulations! We have a period
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