you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
