The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
