she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
