I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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