She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
