My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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