no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
