I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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