Are we in a gay sports bar?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
