What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
