i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
