can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
