I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
