clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
