i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
