1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
