WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
