Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
