I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize