I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
