chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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