Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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