so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
