he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
