What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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