Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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