chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
