I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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