You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
