I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
