Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
