why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize