I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
