Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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