you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
