To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
