Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
