made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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