my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i love accidental penises.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
