Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
