I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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