By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
