So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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