Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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