I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
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dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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