I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
