When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Randomize
