Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
