I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest