That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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