Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.