My liver just broke up with me...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
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dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?