pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.