i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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