Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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