I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
