I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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