I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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