I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
