Are we in a gay sports bar?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
