No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
