My hand turned me down
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize