Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
