Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
