I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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